[A/N: long ass chapter for the long ass wait I put you through! Sorry about that!]
Sitting in my boyfriend’s terrace on what had just become the worst day of my life, there were a million things in my mind, making my blood pulse and the air escape as I wondered if that was the end of the line for me. Twelve years in acting equaled two TV shows, six movies - three romantic comedies, one Marvel, one horror and one drama -, two Broadway runs, numerous modeling jobs, one indication for a Tony, one indication for a Bafta, fiva People’s Choice Awards, two MTV Movie Awards, nine Teen Choice Awards, and one shiny Golden Globe Award. About five million twitter followers, 6.2 million Instagram followers and 8.5 million Facebook likes. My own charity organization to help flood victims in Brazil. Six real estate properties. That was a good run, I thought, trying to feel satisfied. Yet, with a sigh, I had to admit the real thing on my mind were the things I didn’t get to do.
Like winning an Oscar or the doodles of dresses on my notebook that would never get out of the paper. My name, that I would never see on a fragrance or a make-up a line. All the fantastic stories being told in movies that I would never be a part of, like the one I was supposed to audition to in a few weeks’ time in LA, the adaptation of my favorite Sidney Sheldon book that hasn’t even been announced yet. Or the Marvel franchise, still so many movies to go, the sequel I was supposed to start to shoot in October. Of course, no one could take Wild & Free from me when we had almost finished shooting, but could I have ruined its chances to a brilliant weekend opening? And the shame that my name will now carry, will it affect its chances to the award season?
I wish I could explain the magical way sunshine scattered, in a pinkish-orange tone, through the skyscrapers in Manhattan that evening and how the landscape almost made me feel better about that day, but I don’t think I could do it justice. Turning to my back on the couch, I looked back inside the house through the glass doors of the terrace where around ten people stood, sitting on the couches in front of the TV – on on TMZ Live – or pacing around the room on their phones or tablets, trying to keep the situation under control. Even Clark, Nathan and Eddy were there. They would get the door or get everyone drinks, trying to do what they could. I couldn’t see Harry anymore, he was probably still in his bedroom, cuddling with Vodka to try and channel his anger out. I mean the dog. Cuddling with Vodka, the beverage, was my way of channeling my anger out.